Unfortunately, I did find out I had to have surgery. My doctor found a polyp on my vocal chord making it hard to talk. During the laryngoscopy, my doctor also saw that I have a very bad deviated septum making it very hard to breath. It was really annoying because I would get lightheaded and dizzy any time I was working out or dancing and I know I am physically fit. Pushing through a workout or a rehearsal had become exhausting since I could not breath and it was time it all needed to get fixed. Especially since polyps grow and could have led to no voice.
That all being said, I went and had my surgeries last Wednesday. My mom came with me. I put on the whole hospital gown attire. I was ready for it. I just wanted to get it over with. Well, I am terrified of hospitals. I have no idea why. Its just one of those weird things about me. Hospitals, needles, IVs, the doctors, the scrubs, the whole thing just freaks me out. But, again I was good. Nervous, but listening to Adele and trying not to think about just how hungry I was!
Okkk, so I went in at 10:30am. Was waiting around forever, answering the same damn questions over and over again. The hospital kind of reminds me of a weird airport with their procedures of waiting until surgery. Anyways, my plastic surgeon came and stopped by to see how I was doing. This doctor is totally Beverly Hills! Brought me a present, had his hair slicked back, wearing a suit. Meanwhile I am total opposite of Beverly Hills....love the stars and all but Im a Boston girl. Laid back and comfortable wearing sweats outside of my apt. My mo and I got a good laugh at all of it.
Then, my other doctor for my polyp...well, we can just call him McDreamy. NO JOKE...he is my real life McDreamy!!!! Beautiful, black curly hair, blue eyes, a doctor....I think I'm in love....ooops!
So I finally went to the operating room...and FREAKED the (beep) OUT! Panic attack...shaking, white as a ghost, crying. I have never been so scared in my life. Being put to sleep is something that I hate...you have no control of anything, you always have the wonder of will I wake up, or the wonder of will I wake up during the surgery or hear everything going on and unable to say anything. I could go on and on about all of my thoughts of surgery but it would be long and tedious.
So they strapped me down, hooked up an Iv, heart monitors, etc. McDreamy knew I was so scared. Held my hand and asked me about dance. He even knew the exact questions to say that would keep me as calm as possible. "How are you scared of this and not scared of going on stage?!" My response, "How the hellllll are you scared of going on stage when you see this (blood and stuff) all day?!"
Next thing I knew, I was asleep and woke up in my hospital room. That night was very tough for me. Got pretty sick all night and was in pain. Swollen eyes and all. The craziest part is that my arms hurt the most from strapping me down! THEY STILL HURT a week later!!!!
Went home...rough week...barely eating because my throat hurts and I dont have an appetite. All of this has made me soooo thankful for all of my friends and family. People I have not even talked to for awhile have texted or sent messages making sure I'm ok. I have had visitors every day and it really makes you appreciate the people around you.
Some shout outs....
Mom...helped me through the roughest few days. Thank you for forcing me to play Uno with you even though I just wanted to sleep ;)
Roomies...AMAZING...they made me this awesome care package...no joke all my favorite stuff included.
Sarah Leidel...lucky enough to have watch a whole lot of tv with her
Katie....brought me 2 cartons of ice cream and brought me back to the hospital (had nose bleeds all day)
Wayne/Matt....made me soup....yummm
JACKI....drove from CT to visit me. Stayed the night. Cooked for me. Caught up. Such an incredible friend <3
AND TO EVERYONE ELSE with all of your kind thoughts, flowers, cards, etc. THANK YOU! I am so lucky to have you all in my life. XO! MUCH LOVE!!!!!!
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